If the quest for a successful junior riding career is paved with good intentions, the road to a healthy trainer/parent relationship is often littered with them.
Competitive riding in every discipline is intense, fast-paced, and high-adrenaline, requiring large investments of time, money, and emotional currency from professionals, junior participants, and their parents.
All that is to say, if you haven’t been directly involved in a trainer/parent conflict in your own barn yet, you’ve probably been a witness to one.
Maybe a parent wants their child to move up a level before the trainer thinks they’re ready. Maybe a trainer’s horse-shopping process isn’t communicative or transparent enough for the child’s parents, and there’s mucho dinero on the line. Maybe some inner-barn drama between students has everyone’s head spinning for all the wrong reasons.
There are a million scenarios that can push a trainer/parent’s relationship to the brink—changing it from a partnership that’s mutually supportive of the young athlete at the heart of it, to one that’s contentious, distrustful, and rife with misunderstanding.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
“While there are nuances that must be taken into account for each sporting space and each athlete’s situation, depending on the sport and level of play, [best practice] guidelines can help parents and coaches better navigate their communication successfully,” #WeRideTogether’s Program & Partnerships Director Kathryn McClain writes in a recent blog.
The key? Whether you’re a parent or a coach, adopting a few, simple, strategies for communications while sticking to some role-specific guidelines can make all the difference when it comes to maintaining a successful relationship long-term.
3 Pro Tips for Rider Parents
DON’T conflate your junior rider’s goals with your own, or project a desired outcome onto your child and/or trainer. Ask your child how they wish to improve and what they’d like to focus on in the competition arena, during lessons at home, and outside of the sport.
DON’T neglect sportsmanship. Talk to your junior rider about your expectations for communication and behaviors at horse shows and at home in the barn—for example, clapping for fellow riders after a round, or saying “good job” to friends during lessons. Set the example of treating your own junior athlete, other athletes, fellow parents, coaches, judges, etc., how you would like to be treated.
DO be an advocate for your rider. Ensure he or she knows what tools are available to them and honor their intuition. Support your junior rider’s goals where you can and do your part to help them maintain perspective and find balance in and out of the barn.
3 Pro Tips for Trainers
DON’T wait too long to set expectations for your program. Discuss upfront—openly and honestly—with new clients and refresh the ground rules with existing clients at the beginning of each new show season. These should include your coaching practices, your expectations for your riders, your show and training schedule requirements, and injury protocols in line with safe and healthy sporting procedures.
DO cover your bases and make sure your clients are aware of US Equestrian’s Reporting and Processes procedures in alignment with care and support. Be clear and consistent, and ensure that all the students in your program and their parents know how to respond and report concerns or observations of abuse and misconduct inside your own barn and out.
DO utilize and follow #WeRideTogether’s resources: The Code of Conduct for outlining behavioral expectations, and resources for a healthy coach/athlete relationship to help you prioritize transparency and fairness in your interactions with riders. Use the following prompts to help your program and relationships stay on-task:
- Healthy and safe sport means ….
- I uphold care and support for my athletes by…
- Something I need from my sporting organization to support my ability to train well is…
Positive Communication Pro Tips for Everyone
DO choose to be strategic about the time and place of your trainer/parent communications. Make sure it’s a convenient time for everyone, and not occurring in the heat of the moment at a horse show, or after a barn dinner late in the evening.
DO listen first. See if you can see where the other person is coming from. Ask yourself if your goals/interests for your junior rider/student do actually align, and see where you can find common ground.
DO call in a third party—ideally a neutral person such as barn owner or manager, an assistant trainer, etc.—to assist with sensitive topics, diffuse the tension, and to help facilitate communications.
DO know your role… and stick to it. Assuming safe and healthy coaching and sporting environments are being practiced, leave things like establishing curfews to the parents, and teaching lead changes to the professionals.
For more on healthy coach-athlete relationships and best practices, visit weridetogether.today.
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